New !! Modern Wedding Rules and Etiquette
Your Questions Answered

You want your wedding to be perfect in every way. So you probably have lots of questions about wedding rules, etiquette, and all the decisions waiting to be made. There are two sets of official wedding rules that you are obliged to keep. The first set of wedding rules are the legal requirements in your state for a valid marriage. The second set of wedding rules, if you have a religious affiliation, are the religious requirements of your faith to follow. All the other wedding rules are actually rituals, traditions, cultural heritage, etiquette, guidelines, customs and habits. They are lovely, useful and customary, but they are optional.

Wedding customs have changed a great deal in the past decade. More and more weddings are seen as a personal expression of the couple. Wedding etiquette has evolved to allow for individuality and self-expression in all the aspects of the wedding. All the old so-called wedding rules of etiquette are out the window.

Even with all the flexibility in wedding rules and practices, there are still important issues to deal with when you get married. Many couples are concerned about inviting divorced parents, planning second marriages, blending religious traditions, and including their own children. Here are some important questions from engaged couples who want to know wedding rules and the new wedding etiquette.

Question: Who should pay for the wedding?

Answer: Traditionally, the bride's parents footed the bills, while the groom's family paid for the groom's clothing, the fee for the marriage license and officiant, and the rehearsal dinner. The groom paid for gifts to the bride, his groomsmen, and the honeymoon. Today's bride and groom often work full time and expect to pay for their own wedding, especially if they anticipate an extravagant day. Have a heart-to-heart talk about wedding finances with your parents, and set the wedding budget.

Question: Whom should I invite to the wedding?

Answer: Start out your guest list with the immediate families and closest friends. It is a hard and fast rule that you invite the spouse or partner of each guest, too. But you don't have to invite any children, unless you wish. Single guests shouldn't expect to bring a friend, unless your invitation specifically says that. Your parents will ask you to invite their personal friends and business acquaintances, especially if the parents are paying for the wedding. Be consistent and gracious. If you are inviting a second cousin, don't exclude other second cousins. You'll want to invite the celebrant to the reception, too. Limit the number of guests to control the costs.

Question: Do I have to invite the children of my guests?

Answer: No, you can plan an adults-only wedding and reception. If you inviting some children, etiquette requires that you invite all children.Even if other children are not invited, your flower girl and ring bearer should be invited to the reception, along with their parents. Sometimes guests will show up with their uninvited children, so have a designated person to help with child care. Or you can hire a babysitter to look after the little people at their own special table, or special playroom.

Question: What are the duties of the Maid of Honor?

Answer: The maid of honor is often a relative or a very close friend. She is called a matron of honor if she is married. She usually is expected to host a bridal shower, bachelorette party and the bridesmaids' luncheon. She organizes the bridesmaids to get them dressed and on time for the wedding. During the ceremony, she holds the bride's bouquet, and helps with the bride's dress. Her most important job is to witness the signing of the marriage certificate after the wedding.

Question: What are the duties of the bride's attendants?

Answer:The bride's attendants participate in the engagement parties, the rehearsal dinner, and the receiving line at the reception. They may decide to give a group gift to the wedding couple.

Question: What are the duties of the Best Man?

Answer: The best man organizes the bachelor party. At the reception and at the rehearsal dinner, the best man usually makes a toast and a speech. The best man holds the bride's wedding ring, witnesses the signature on the marriage certificate after the wedding. He also gives the fee to the officiant, and other gratuities to servers at the reception. He organizes the groomsmen's group wedding gift. He makes sure that any rented suits are returned to the store after the wedding.

Question: What are are the duties of the groom's attendants.

Answer: The groom's attendants attend the bachelor party and the rehearsal dinner. In a small wedding, they serve as ushers, seating guests and handing out the programs.

Question: Can the children of the bride and groom take part in the wedding?

Answer: Your children can be part of the ceremony as bridesmaids and groomsmen, ring-bearer and flower girl. At some wedding ceremonies, the celebrant includes the blended families in a family blessing during the service. Arrange for a helper to watch over the children during the day, so that you can greet and mingle freely.

Question: I want a formal wedding. What should the bride and groom wear?

Answer: The bride wears a long gown, often with a train, and a long veil during the ceremony. In a formal morning wedding the groom wears a morning coat, which is gray or black with a cutaway, striped trousers, vest and ascot. If the reception will begin after 6 P.M., the groom wears a tuxedo with a bow tie or a long black tie. A tailcoat, with the long "tails" can be worn for a formal evening wedding, with a white tie and gloves. The groomsmen and the fathers of the bride and groom should dress to match the groom.

Question: I want a casual wedding. What should the bride and groom wear?

Answer: There are no rules to follow except good taste. The bride might wear an ankle-length or a cocktail length dress with a blusher veil or a mid-length veil. The groom always looks handsome in a dark suit and tie. If the bride chooses a sundress, the groom could wear a white or beige linen jacket. Choose clothes so that, years from now, you'll enjoy looking at your wedding pictures.

Question: I want a religious wedding. What should I do?

Answer: Some religions have restrictions on whether divorced people and people of mixed faiths can marry. Your religion may require wedding classes. Religious traditions will dictate the rules for modest wedding dresses, interfaith weddings, prescribed music at the ceremony, your choice of readings, the writing of your personal vows, the activities of photographers and videographers, and the ceremony itself. Talk to the celebrant about these topics before you reserve the wedding venue.

Question: I don't want a religious wedding. What should I do?

Answer: A civil ceremony can take place almost anywhere you prefer, in a courthouse, a hot air balloon, the beach, your backyard, a park, a museum, and so on. You can include some religious traditions in your civil ceremony, if you wish. You can decide if you want an entrance processional and a recessional. The ceremony usually includes welcoming remarks, vows, exchange of rings, the official pronouncement and the kiss. You can also include wedding readings, music and personal vows if you wish. In order for your wedding to be official, your celebrant or officiant must be authorized to perform weddings in your state. Ask for his or her license and references.

Question: We want to get married without any fuss. What is the minimum requirement to get married?

Answer: Most states have rules about how old you must be, that you are not closely related, and how long you have resided in the state. Most states require a blood test from both of you. Usually if you are under 18 years old, the consent of your parent is required. Ahead of time, you must get a marriage license at the courthouse, observe any required waiting period, then appear before a licensed officiant with the required witnesses, indicate your free assent to the wedding, and sign the wedding certificate.

Let's use Las Vegas as an example. No blood tests or waiting period are required in to marry in Las Vegas. Both of you must apply together at the Marriage License Bureau to get the license and pay the $50 license fee. Identification and social security numbers are required. You must not be presently married. You must not be related or be related to each other no closer than second cousins or cousins of half blood. Proof of your age is required. If you are 16 or 17 years old, a parent must be present with you or you must bring a notarized affidavit. If you are under age 16, you must have parental consent and authorization of the Nevada Court. If you are divorced, you must disclose the date and city of your divorce. It is not necessary to bring your divorce decree. A wedding in Las Vegas is recognized by all countries. If you are not a citizen of the United States, there are additional requirements. The marriage license is valid for one year, so you should plan to marry within one year. One witness and the officiant are required at the ceremony. After the ceremony, you will sign the marriage certificate and the officiant will submit it to the County Recorder's office within 10 days. You can get a certified copy of the marriage certificate from the County Recorder.

Question: We want to renew our wedding vows. What are the rules?

There are no legal requirements or rules for a renewal of your vows. Your church or officiant may ask that you furnish a copy of your wedding certificate before the renewal ceremony.

Question: I think I want to keep my own last name after I'm married. What are the requirements?

Answer: The husband and wife have several choices when it comes to last names. Each can keep their original name. The wife can take the husband's last name, or vice versa. They may decide to join their last names, as in Mary and John Smith-Jones. Or they may decide jointly to take an entirely new last name.

After marriage, keep certified copies of your marriage certificate on hand. If you change your last name after marriage, be sure to report your new name to Social Security and to your employer, so that your future earnings can be credited properly. You should get a new Social Security card with your new name. You'll also need a new driver's license from the department of motor vehicles. Change your name on all your accounts and identification as soon you can.

In most places, if you both want to use hyphenated last names or a brand new last name, it may be necessary to get a court order to make it legal. Your marriage license bureau will be able to tell you the specific rules and procedures in your community.

Question: Do I have to sign a prenuptial agreement? My fiancee wants me to.

Answer: A prenuptial agreement is a legal contract specifying how the assets will be divided if the marriage should end in divorce. There is no rule that requires you to sign a prenutial agreement. It is always difficult to anticipate true love going awry. Think of it as contingency planning. There are valid reasons for a prenuptial agreement. One spouse may have assets that are not liquid and cannot easily be divided, like land holdings or a business. Another spouse may be a famous performer, with unpredictable future earnings. There may be children by a previous marriage, whose support and inheritance must be protected. Often a prenuptial agreement is requested because one partner is bringing substantial wealth to the marriage, and doesn't want to split it with you. The terms of a prenuptial agreement can be negotiated between the couple with the help of their lawyers. It is in your best interest to negotiate to provide for yourself and any children born during the marriage.

I wish you a day full of romance and memories as you plan the best cheap wedding.
- Heather, Modern Wedding Rules

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